Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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