I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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