I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
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rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
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COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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