you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
