TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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