youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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