my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
