his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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