She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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