Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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