I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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