the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
