I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
