The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Drunk is not a location!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
