she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
