The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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