Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
