im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
