Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
