the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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