I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize
