You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
