i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
