Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
