i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
