I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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