yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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