I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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