I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
