Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
