Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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