So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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