Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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