They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
