Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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