Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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