Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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