After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She announced her abortion via fbk
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
