let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
