first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
