i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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