someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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