I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
