people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
