Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
