We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
