You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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