i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
