I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
