He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
