how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
