I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize