everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
