so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
