apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
