WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
