Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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