her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
