just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
