Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
