So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
