I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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