Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
