hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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