You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
