So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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