I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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