i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
