I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
