What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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