I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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