How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
